Hello Lovely Friends ♥
I hope you are all doing well. Can you believe we are closing in on the end of July. Yesterday was my birthday and by this time of the summer I am itching to decorate for Fall. And although I know it's too soon yet, my heart is thinking about cool crisp autumn nights, the smell of a fire, cozy blankets, and steaming hot bowls of soup. Last night Rob and I were talking about a restaurant that we haven't been to in ages, and I only want to go in fall because it's a very old place with creaky wood floors. They always have a fire crackling in the huge fireplace. The mantle is gorgeous. There is an upstairs and we always are seated up there. The staircase is narrow and CREEKS as you are going up. They have candles in the windows all the time (like at Christmas) and serve the most delicious chowder. It's very New England. It's so cozy on a frosty evening, so we made a date for the first cool night of the season. That's what we call simple living. Little things that make us happy. I can't wait.
So yesterday I quietly turned 50. I say quietly because that's how I wanted it. No big hoopla. I took the day off from work and spent the day relaxing at home. Rob, John, and my Dad were home too. We had coffee and some treats in the morning. I watched some tv for bit after that and then I had to take John to a driving lesson in the afternoon. While I waited for him, I popped into Marshalls and treated myself to some new makeup and skincare. That was fun. Later that night we had a yummy seafood meal from a local place, and I picked up my favorite cake for dessert - Pepperidge Farm coconut cake. I open cards and a few gifts from friends which were so very thoughtful and answered messages on Instagram and Facebook. I felt blessed.
I have never been a person who liked to make a big deal out of my birthday. I love celebrating other peoples, but not my own. This year I felt pressure because I was turning 50, but really...it's no big deal. I don't feel any different. Today it was back to work and laundry and cooking dinner and it's like it never happened. And I'm ok with that. I'm not sad about my age. In fact, there are many great things about being 50! I'm grateful to be here! In some ways I feel better about myself than I did in my 30's and 40's. I'm confident and don't really care what other's think of me. I don't fear missing out on things and I never feel pressure to go places I don't want to go to. I can choose comfort over fashion if I feel like it and go to bed early without judgement. All good things.
However, if I'm being honest (and I've always been honest on here) July has been a hard month for me. I miss my mom. I'm overwhelmed with things to do at home. I feel a weight of responsibility that I've never felt before. My Dad was in the hospital for a few days last week. Thankfully he's home now but that experience took years off my life. Too many similarities to my mom and I very much dislike the hospital. To top all that off, my work is very busy, and I constantly feel like I'm playing catch up. Life is hard and I know that's not just me, it's everyone these days. I've always tried to be a positive person. I said to Rob the other day, it's hard to be positive when you are constantly being disappointed by people. I just hate it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be a pity party...I'm just venting. I never want anyone to think it's all sunshine and roses over here. Yes, I love my coffee and candles, but sometimes I feel sad. I think that's normal right? So, what I do is curl up in bed, watch Lucy or a Hallmark movie and take a rest. Recharge my batteries. Rob says I need a vacation. He's right. We are going to New Hampshire next weekend with Rob's family. A trip that's been in the works since last year. We have a lovely house booked at the foot of Loon Mountain. I'm looking forward to it. New Hampshire is one of my favorite places. A perfect reset. The mountain air and views are spectacular. But because Rob knows that I might need more than that we are going to Ogunquit Maine for a few days at the end of August as well. I've never been so I'm kind of looking forward to that trip a little more (don't tell anyone!). I was able to book a hotel right near the water. Yay because it's peak season and I was afraid they would be all booked. We will sit on the ocean rocks and eat lobster rolls, go to antiques stores, and sleep in if we want to. Yes, John will be with us because I would be sad if he wasn't. There's still time this summer to enjoy it before the fall comes.
And speaking of John, here's a kid whose living his summer dreams. He's been so busy working, driving, going to youth group, guitar lessons, going to the beach and out to eat with his friends. He's having the best summer a 16 year old can have and I'm SO happy about that!!!! We have coffee together every morning before work and tea every evening and my mommy heart is so full of love I could explode. It's not possible he'll be 17 next month. I just can't believe it. This last year he's been my rock. I feel so lucky to have him. He's pretty funny too :)
