Thursday, December 28, 2023

My Christmas 2023 ♥


Hello Friends.  Merry Christmas.  I didn't take many photos on Christmas this year.  Somehow it didn't seem fitting.  To be totally honest it was the worst holiday I've ever had.  It was odd, different, and sad.  No matter how hard people tried, there was an emptiness that could not be filled.  It never will be. 

 Looking back now I see there were some moments, very few, that I did smile.  That for a brief second I forgot....and it was Christmas. But then I remembered again and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. But I didn't.  I was happy when it was over. Relieved.  And now I can say, I survived.  We tried and did our best.  The best we could under the circumstances. I ordered food in and we stayed cozy and watched movies.  And we prayed.  

With the help of family and friends, near and far, we tried to stay upbeat.  We talked about my mom and told funny stories.  I guess that's what people do in these cases.  That's really all you can do.  I love Christmas.  I don't want to not love it.  So I'll continue to love it.  For my mom.  

A few things that brought me joy....generous gifts from family & friends.  Special ornaments that she loved.  And a book from my dear friend that is bringing me so much comfort.  

I'm grateful 

This bookmark was painted by my talented niece who clearly knows me well! 

My mom made these snow people.  She used to sell them at craft fairs years ago.  This year I put mine in my bedroom.  They have always made me chuckle : )  

We didn't have a white Christmas.  We had frost and then rain.  

Maybe next year 

And now I move forward.   I want to feel like myself again.  Get back to baking and all the stuff I love to do.  My mom will always be with me.  I know that.  She loved all the things I love.  We had that in common. 

People say in time I will feel better. Little by little I'll get there, like so many of you already have 

Thank you to everyone who reached out me on here, Instagram, or text.  It means the world to me to know I was in so many of your good thoughts and prayers this Christmas.  We really are a beautiful community here, aren't we : ) 

So what's my plan? Well, these days I don't plan too far in advance, but I do know my immediate future (i.e tonight) consists of finishing The Crown, Christmas leftovers, and being as cozy as humanly possible under a blanket on my couch.  This week has always been my favorite week of the year.  Everyone seems to slow down and now it's needed more than ever.  The stillness and calmness is a beautiful thing.  Winter is my favorite season for that exact reason. It's a time of reflection and recharging the batteries (and boy do I need that).  Like every year, I bought myself a nice new planner.  I've been enjoying filling in special dates and things to remember going into the new year. 

I do hope you had Merry Christmas and enjoyed all the celebrations! I hope you ate good food and spent time with your loved ones. 

Happy new year friends!  What are you doing new years eve? I got new sweatpants just for the occasion! :)

Love to all! and thank you 

Thursday, December 14, 2023

My Mom ♥

It's hard for me to comprehend that I am actually writing this, but I wanted to let you all know, my friends and dear readers of this blog, that my mom passed away last week.  As you know she had been sick.  In and out of the hospital for the last few months and as hard as she tried, her time came.  The time to be with her family, my sister, her parents, and all her friends that went before her.  She's happy now.  Not sick or in pain.  She's finally at peace. 

It's been very difficult for us.  I still can't really come to terms that this has actually happened.  Everyone is telling me in time it will get better.  I know that's true, but right now it's tough.  It's long days and even longer nights.  My heart breaks for my Dad, who cared for her day and night.  It's quiet now and the house feels empty.  I miss my mom. I always will. 

She died on a Wednesday.  It snowed that morning.  It was the pretty kind of snow that lightly covered the trees.  I remember looking out the hospital window thinking how pretty it looked and how she would have thought so too.  We spent the whole day with her that day, talking to her and holding her hand.  She knew we were there.  And then, after we all left and she was alone she drifted away.  I can imagine the joy she felt to see my sister again, who she missed so much.  She's dancing now, strong, with two legs.  We'll be ok.  It will just take time. 

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers over the years.  It has meant so much to me (and to my mom, who was my biggest supporter of this blog).